Manufactured conflict is pointless
Earlier today my 13-year-old brought home a plant. A bean, in a little biodegradable pot. For some reason, it reminded me of when I was in 5th grade and I had to grow a bean. My tiny plant did not survive. It was part of the experimental group: lots of water, place it in a cool and dark corner of the classroom (under a desk where it got minimum sunlight). It barely grew, and then I had to take it home to show my parents what I learned.
Unlike my 13-year-old’s experience of success, where everyone had one plant grow and one plant not take, so that they all could learn about what conditions are ideal and which aren’t — I love these science experiments, by the way — my science experiment was meant for inevitable failure. And I knew it would fail because my parents had already taught me how to make sure beans grow properly.
I’ve experienced those same manufactured outcomes in so many settings. But why are they necessary? Common thought is that it prepares you to accept failure. Does it really? I don’t think it does. Isn’t life full of failures and learning moments as it is? I think it is.
When I was beginning my doctoral program, there was an exercise meant to cause friction between members of our cohort. And it succeeded beautifully because three years later, some relationships are still broken. What truly struck me as counterproductive was the idea that we were supposed to be uplifting and supporting one another yet had to participate in an exercise meant to cause tension and friction so that we could learn how to work in adversity. Believe me, June 2020 had more than enough adversity for anyone to handle.
Not everyone was prepared to handle that type of environment, and most certainly not with lockdowns and social distancing, with social unrest and violence against my black brothers and sisters still in the air. June 2020 was the absolute worst time to force and manufacture conflict.
Life in general is already complicated and messy, wonderful and bright, and so much more.
Intentional lessons where people are set up to fail…are they really teaching anything of value when instead we could be teaching how to be supportive, practice empathy, and in general be a kinder society?
